Not Strong Enough
by amethyst-jt
Summary: A freak accident leaves Seth Rollins with no memory of betraying his shield brothers. He's lost years of memories and his friends hate him but worst of all, he's lost the budding romance between him and Roman. Can he get his memory back or more importantly does he even want to go back to the man he was?
1. Chapter 1

June 1, 2014. A day Seth Rollins would remember for the rest of his life. The Shield had just had their greatest victory against Evolution at Payback. The trio had gone out to celebrate and Dean had been a little over-excited so Seth and Roman had left him at the club with a few of their other friends. Truthfully though, Seth and Roman had just wanted to be alone together. They had this rarely spoken of affection for each other stemming back from their days training together to become the WWE Superstars they were now. Their relationship had never crossed a physical line, but they had come close a few times over the years but Roman would always be the one to pull back and say that the time wasn't right and that they should wait.

So Roman stayed the big brother and Seth the little and they tried to get by with lingering glances and seemingly innocent touches. To the public and their friends they simply looked like close friends and the brothers they proclaimed themselves to be and when they were away from prying eyes they had long talks about the future and how they couldn't wait to be together. But everything changed on June 2, 2014.

* * *

 _Seth removed his key card and pushed open their hotel room door laughing. Today was the best day of his life. They had just won the biggest match of their career and he was mildly buzzed from their post-match celebration with Dean at a nearby bar. The match was amazing, probably the match of the year and even though he had bumped his head a little on a table, he was feeling great._

 _Why wouldn't he feel great though? He had everything he wanted - well almost everything. Roman walked in behind him with a big smile on his handsome face and he closed the door behind him and threw the deadbolt. Seth turned and hugged Roman and Roman hugged him back, he wanted more but Roman didn't think that it was the right time yet but that was okay, Roman was worth the wait._

 _They stood there with their arms around each other for a long time, longer than a hug should be but neither seemed inclined to break the hug. Roman slid his hands up and down Seth's back and Seth sighed and played with the little hairs that had slipped out of Roman's bun. He loved these times when they could be alone together, they almost made up for all the time he spent pining for the man in his arms – almost._

 _"_ _I think it's time Seth." Roman whispered into his ear._

 _Seth sighed happily. "Time for what?"_

 _"_ _Time for us to be together." Roman answered drawing Seth tighter into his arms._

 _"_ _What! Really?" Seth pulled his head away from Roman's shoulder and looked into his grey eyes hoping that Roman meant what he thought he meant._

 _"_ _Really." Roman said softly. He reached his hand up and gently cupped Seth's face, running his thumb over Seth's lips._

 _Their eyes locked, and Seth swallowed hard, last minute fears running through his mind. What if they didn't have any chemistry? He'd never kissed a man before, what if it was weird? What if Roman didn't like kissing him and decided that he didn't like him after all? What if... Seth couldn't even finish that thought before Roman's soft, pillowy lips were on him and he moaned... it was amazing._

 _The kiss was soft and tender and loving and everything he had wanted since he first realized that he had feelings for Roman, but it didn't stay that way for long, after all they had been denying themselves for so long. The kiss turned scorchingly passionate and Seth's toes curled from the pleasure as he wrapped his arms firmly around Roman's neck and pulled them together hard._

 _They couldn't get enough of each other and they made out like teenagers, exploring each other like they had wanted to all these years and barely even pulling away for the briefest of breaths. Their crotches brushed together and they were both getting hard, and he couldn't believe it, he was getting another man hard, Roman was hard for him._

 _Through their haze of passion they heard faint whistling moving closer in the hall and it was unmistakably Dean returning to the room. They broke apart quickly, Roman running for the chair and Seth running to the bathroom and slamming the door._

 _Seth turned on the water before looking at himself in the mirror, his lips were red and swollen and his cheeks were a rosy pink and his eyes looked dazed like he was high or something. He touched his lips and smiled to himself remembering the way Roman's lips felt on his. It was the best kisses that he had ever had and tonight when he went to sleep, he would replay those stolen moments over and over._

* * *

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Seth's eyes fluttered, then opened as the annoying beeping from the alarm clock woke him up. His head was pounding like a thousand jackhammers and he reached over to stop the alarm and it was then that he saw that he had an IV in his arm.

"Seth! You're awake!" A voice that sounded like his mothers called out.

"Mom." He said, his voice sore and gravelly. "What's going on?"

His mother's tearful face moved over him and she hugged him with more strength than he would have thought she possessed.

"Mom, what's going on?" He asked, trying not to panic. He looked around the room and finally realized that he was in a hospital room not his bed at the hotel. Where was Roman and Dean? Were they hurt too?

His mother lifted her head off his chest and looked at him with tears streaming down her face. "You were in an accident honey. You've been in a coma for 2 weeks."

"... A coma?" He said reaching up to touch his head. He felt around but all he could feel were bandages wrapped all around his head.

A doctor and a few nurses rushed into the room and before he knew it, he was being poked, prodded and examined all the while trying not to panic and wondering where Roman was. He needed to feel Roman's comforting presence.

The doctor started asking him questions and he seemed to answer them to the doctor's satisfaction.

"Just a few more questions Seth." The doctor said reassuringly. "Who is the current President?"

That was an easy one. "Barack Obama."

The doctor looked at the nurse but Seth couldn't read his expression.

"Seth, what year is it?" The doctor asked slowly.

Another easy one. "2014."

The doctor looked at the nurse again but Seth thought that he could see concern on his face. The doctor looked back at him and took a deep breath. "Seth, the year is 2017."

* * *

 _ *** I hope you're ready for a new story and a little bit of angst.**_


	2. Chapter 2

2017\. It couldn't be "This is some kind of joke right?" Seth asked, praying that Dean, Roman and his family would jump out from behind a curtain laughing.

"I'm afraid not." The doctor said. "I'll order some tests and we can get to the bottom of this. There's always a chance that this is temporary."

Seth nodded absentmindedly and watched the doctor leave the room. A few minutes later his mom came back in the room with a solemn expression on her face.

"So it seems that I have amnesia." Seth said, looking at his mother. "Is it really 2017?"

A tear slid down his mother's face. "Yes, it is honey."

Seth was in shock, he couldn't even think or process the fact that he was missing years of his memory. All he knew was that he needed Roman and he needed him now.

"Mom, can you call Roman and ask him to come visit me, please?" He asked quietly. He knew that Roman would make everything okay again.

His mother looked at him in surprise. "Honey, you and Roman haven't been friends for years now."

"What!" He shouted. "What do you mean we're not friends?"

"Well, after what you did to the Shield..." She looked at him sadly. "You don't even know what I'm talking about do you? Let's just say that the Shield broke up and you aren't friends with Dean and Roman anymore."

Seth was speechless and he didn't know what to do. He was in love with Roman and Roman was in love with him, even though they had never said those actual words to each other, they were in love. Why did they break up?

"Can you please hand me my phone so I can call him? I need him." He said glaring at his mother. Maybe something happened and they were still hiding their relationship.

"Your phone was broken in the accident but I can try to call him for you, I guess." She said before kissing him on the forehead and leaving the room.

Seth put his head into his hands. He had woken up into a nightmare, one that he kept wishing would end. He looked up when the nurses came in and took him away to do more tests. By the time he got back from his last test, he was exhausted and fell asleep.

He woke up the next morning and looked around hoping to see Roman, but he wasn't there. Finally, his mother came back at visiting hours.

"I'm sorry honey." She said sadly. "Roman won't come see you. He... he said that you're not his problem anymore."

That was the final straw. He couldn't take anymore and tears started falling down his face.

* * *

Seth had to stay in the hospital for another week before he was allowed to go home. They still didn't know if his amnesia was permanent or not but his brain was healthy and he shouldn't suffer any side effects of the accident. Since he had been in the coma for a while, his cuts and bruises had healed but due to his head injury, it was unknown whether or not he would ever be able to wrestle again.

He tried to get in touch with Roman but he had changed his number during the missing years and he didn't have numbers for anyone else since his phone broke. He was depressed and sad but he couldn't wait to get home, he needed to get to the bottom of what happened between him and the other members of the Shield.

He walked into his apartment alone, having told his mother that he could take care of himself and looked around noting the changes that had happened over the lost years. He walked over to the picture of the Shield that was on his wall and shook his head. How had everything gone so wrong?

He sighed and took the overnight bag that his mother had packed for him into his room and started putting things away before grabbing everything he needed to take a shower. He went into his bathroom, stripped and got into the shower, quickly washing himself and getting out again. It was Monday night and he didn't want to miss Raw, didn't want to miss seeing Roman even just on TV.

He finally got a good look at himself in the mirror and cringed when he looked at his head. He had long, still healing cuts on his head and his hair had been shaved down almost all the way for the surgery he had to have to stop the bleeding on his brain. His mother had said that his face was bruised and scratched up as well but that they had healed while he was in the coma. He thought that he looked a little like Frankenstien's monster with the way the scars criss-crossed over his head. He hoped that his hair would grow back quickly.

He turned away from the mirror and put his clothes on before walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch just as Raw started.

Raw wasn't at all like he remembered it. There were many new faces, some not entirely new to him but new to the WWE and lots of people he knew were missing. Finally Roman came out. Seth inched his body forward without noticing and was sitting on the edge of his seat. He studied Roman closely noticing everything, the way his hair was a little shorter, the almost full beard that made him look even sexier, his body, a little bigger than before but still perfection and the deep brown eyes, finally without the grey contacts. His music and gear was similar to what they were in the Shield but the outfit had red accents and Seth thought that it suited Roman perfectly.

He didn't pay attention to Roman's opponent, couldn't even remember who it was really but he watched Roman intently, the graceful way he moved, the precision with which he pulled off his moves, the way he'd stalk his opponent like prey before he hit a Drive By. His heart ached to see Roman and to know that Roman wasn't his and never was his, really.

He watched the rest of Raw with indifference sitting on his couch with his legs pulled up and his arms wrapped around them. When Raw finished he turned on the WWE network so he could find out what he had missed. He watched in stunned disbelief as he hit Roman with that chair not even 24 hours after their first kiss. Watched all the promos he had cut saying the most hurtful lies to Roman and Dean. Watched all the matches against his brothers, Curb Stomping Roman's head into a steel chair, Dean's head going through cinderblocks, the Authority sticking their noses in where they didn't belong and doing just as much damage as he did. Worst of all, he watched himself stealing the title right out from under Roman at Wrestlemania, something that he knew Roman would never forgive him for.

He didn't care about all the things he accomplished, his ill-gotten title reigns, he didn't even care about his knee injury. He traced the scar on his knee, thinking that it was no less than what he deserved for what he put Roman and Dean through. Most of all though, he wanted to know why he had done this. What had happened between the time he and Roman first kissed and when he decided to betray his brothers. He had to find out and there was only one person that could help him, but it was also probably the one person that didn't want anything to do with him.


	3. Chapter 3

The next week Seth tracked Roman down and made his way to the hotel he was staying in after Raw. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a hoodie with the hood pulled up over his beanie. He had managed to charm Roman's room number out of the pretty young receptionist and he was waiting around the corner in the hall. He knew that this ambush was risky, he could get the worlds worst Superman Punch and end up back in his coma but he still had to try. He saw Roman walking to his room with R-Truth of all people and saying goodbye before opening his door. This was it, the moment of truth...

He waited a minute and walked up to the door. He made sure that he wasn't in the path of the peep hole and wiped his damp palms on his jeans. He was so nervous, but he was a little excited too. He took a deep breath and knocked.

The door opened a moment later but Roman's back was to him as he put his hair up in his customary man bun.

"Dean, man you're early." Roman said as he twisted the elastic up in his hair.

Seth squeezed in and closed the door. "Sorry, it's just me." He said in a quiet voice.

Roman spun around with murder in his eyes. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Seth cringed as Roman yelled at him. "Please, I just need to talk to you for a minute."

"Well I don't want to talk to you." Roman said as he grabbed Seth's arm and tried to haul him out the door.

Seth escaped his grip and ran to the other side of the room to put some distance between them. "I was in an accident..."

Roman stalked toward him. "And you're about to have another one."

"Wait!" Seth cried out in desperation. "I had a major head injury and I was in a coma for two weeks. I woke up and everything, _everything_ is different."

Roman stopped in the middle of the floor. "I heard about your accident. Good thing you warned me or I would have punched your head clear off your body."

"Look Roman, I need your help." Seth pleaded. "I-I lost my memory."

Roman looked at him with both skepticism and disdain.

"When I woke up from the coma the first thing I wanted was to see you because in my mind it's still 2014."

Roman scoffed. "That's a new one."

"It's true." Seth said bravely taking a step closer to Roman. "The last thing I remember before I woke up was kissing you."

Roman's eyes filled with rage. "Don't mention that ever again."

Seth felt like he had been punched in the chest. "I know that things between us are different now. I've watched everything play out in HD on the WWE Network, but I don't know how or why things happened that way. I don't remember anything, I need answers."

"I don't have any for you." Roman said tiredly. "You turned on me the next day not the other way around. Now leave." Roman grabbed him by the hoodie and pulled him to the door.

"Roman, I still love you!" he shouted in desperation.

Roman stopped abruptly. "Never say that again." Roman then opened the door and threw Seth out into the hall.

Seth started to panic. "Please Roman, I'm scared."

"That's not my problem." Roman said before turning around to go back into his hotel room.

* * *

This was the stupidest thing ever. Why was he even wasting his time listening to Seth in the first place? Roman had heard about the accident, it had been all over the locker room but he never expected Seth to just turn up at his door like this. When Seth's mother had called to tell him that Seth was awake and wanted to see him, he couldn't believe the nerve of them. Didn't they know what Seth had put him through? Why would he want to see that little weasel again? And now he shows up on Roman's door step with his ridiculous story about losing his memory and bringing up things that Roman would rather never remember.

He reached for the door knob but stopped when he heard it. A small broken sob. He turned around quickly and saw tears, actual tears in Seth's eyes. Seth never ever cried in front of anyone and now here he was scared and crying. Roman wasn't a heartless bastard but he had promised himself that he would never let Seth get to him again, but he had had a soft spot for Seth for as long as he'd known him.

"Get in." He growled out as he held the door open, mentally cursing his weakness.

Seth scrambled to get inside and Roman saw Seth's luggage by the door. Roman shook his head and brought it in.

Once the door was closed, he opened his phone and sent a text to Dean not to come by. He turned to Seth and saw him standing shyly by his luggage. "Have a seat." he said pointing to the bed.

Seth quickly sat down.

"Let's get a few things straight." he said pacing the floor in front of Seth. "I'll try to help you find out what happened to you but we are not friends. We are definitely not what we were back in 2014 and we will never be again."

"I know." Seth said, tears drying on his cheeks.

"Leave Dean alone." he continued. "He's finally in a good place with Renee and he doesn't need your drama."

"Renee? Like Renee Young from work?" Seth asked curiously.

"Yes, they're married now."

"Wow, Deano got married." Seth said quietly. "That's great."

"Yeah." Roman paused. "One more thing, if this is a trick or something, I will put you in a coma so deep you'll never come out again."

Seth faintly smiled. "I understand, nothing but the truth from now on, I promise."

He walked into the bathroom without saying another word to Seth and changed into a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt. He walked back out into the bedroom and got into his bed and turned on the football game. Seth got up and went into his suitcase and pulled some things out before going into the bathroom himself. Roman breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't know what the hell he was doing. He was giving Seth another chance to hurt him. This could all be an elaborate lie that he had come up with to mess with him, or maybe get him to fall for him again and then destroy his heart with another steel chair. He would never let Seth get that close again. He would help him like he said, but they would never be more than co-workers.

Roman turned the lights out except for the one next to Seth and settled down to watch the game. He was tired but he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep with Seth in the next bed so he would just pretend to watch the game and maybe he would eventually fall asleep.

Seth came back from the bathroom dressed in shorts and a t-shirt with his beanie still on. They watched the game in silence for a while before Seth turned off his light and settled down to sleep. Eventually Roman drifted off to sleep with the TV turned down low.

* * *

Seth woke up the next morning a few minutes before his alarm went off. He turned over on his side and looked over at Roman still asleep in his bed. How he wished he could sneak over and climb into bed with Roman and cuddle with him forever but he knew that Roman would never forgive him. There was no chance for them to be together again. He sighed inwardly and got out of bed and went to the bathroom to do his morning business. When he came out, Roman was awake and on the phone calling for breakfast.

They set about getting ready for the day and when room service arrived Seth was touched to see that Roman had ordered him his favorite breakfast. They sat down to eat together.

"What are your plans for today?" Roman asked as he ate.

"I have an appointment with the WWE doctors to access my injuries and see how soon I can come back." Seth said, taking Roman's questions as a good sign. "What about you?"

"I've got an interview this morning and then home for a few days before the house shows start this weekend." Roman said. "Are you going home or to the school after you're done with the doctors?"

"I haven't even talked to Marek since I woke up so I don't know what's happening with that." he said quietly. "I don't even know if I still belong there or not. There's so much I don't know anymore."

Roman nodded and continued eating.

They finished the rest of their meal in silence and went on their separate ways.

* * *

Roman was running late after the interview and hurried to his hotel room to grab his bags and check out. He swiped his key card through the slot and opened the door to a darkened room, he turned on the lights and saw Seth curled up on the bed, body shaking with sobs. He ran forward before he could even think. "Seth what's wrong?"

Seth wiped his eyes and sat up slowly. "The doctors say they can't clear me to wrestle. Even though the tests say that my brain is fine, they won't let me wrestle unless my memory comes back."

Roman was floored and he watched Seth curl up and hug his knees. He may not know much about evil 2017 Seth, but wrestling was everything to sweet 2014 Seth. This must be killing him. "I'm so sorry."

Seth nodded into his knees. "What if my memory never comes back?"

"Then, as harsh as this sounds, you'll have to find a new passion in your life." Roman said, lying his hand on Seth's shoulder. "Whatever happens, I know that you will persevere, after all you're Seth 'Freakin' Rollins, aren't you."

Seth smiled and looked up at him. "I don't know who I am anymore, but if you believe in me, I'll try to believe in myself."

Roman nodded but tried to ignore the way Seth's eyes brightened when he smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Seth spent his few free days at home visiting his family who he felt he hadn't seen in years and catching up with Marek about the school that seemed to be doing well. They decided that it would be best for Seth to take a little break from teaching classes for a while and concentrate on getting his life back together. He enjoyed being with his family but a part of him couldn't wait to get back to Roman. He tried not to think about what would happen if he couldn't wrestle again. He would worry about that when the time came.

Finally it was time to get back on the road and meet up with Roman and luckily the house shows for the week were all in America so Seth could save a little money.

He showed up to the arena with his luggage and he was lucky the security guard watching the door was a fan and let him in. He pulled his bag along the hallways looking for Roman and he tried to ignore the hostile looks that his co-workers gave him. The Shield weren't very popular backstage back in 2014 so he was used to people being wary of him but he wasn't prepared for the hate in their eyes now.

Finally he heard the deep rumble of Roman's laugh and walked toward the doorway, looking inside carefully. Roman was talking on his cell phone so Seth walked in as quietly as he could so he wouldn't disturb Roman's call. Roman looked up and saw him and a hint of anger glinted in his eyes before he ducked his head and quickly ended the call. Seth tried not to feel sad at the momentary flash of emotion, he knew that he was lucky Roman even let them be in the same room together.

Roman was already in his gear, this time with blue accents and Seth just watched while he wrapped his hands, admiring how gorgeous he was.

"You gonna look at me all day or what?" Roman asked, putting the finishing touches of his gear on.

"Sorry." Seth mumbled before bringing his luggage inside the door. "How was your time off?"

"Fine," Roman said sitting down on the bench and reaching to put his boots on. "You know how it is, you want to do so much but all you really end up doing is sleeping."

Seth took a seat on the opposite bench. "I hear that. I just spent some time with my family and finally talked to Marek about the school, I didn't even workout."

One of the workers knocked on the door and stuck his head in the room. "Five minutes Mr. Reigns."

Roman got up and walked out the door and Seth followed. They had a monitor set up near the entrance to the ramp and he settled himself in front of it so he could watch the match. He didn't bother paying any attention to the guy Roman was wrestling, all his focus was on Roman and it was a hell of a good match.

At the end of the match Roman got on the microphone and thanked everyone for coming. There were a few boos which Seth still couldn't understand and when Roman got backstage he was smiling and this time his smile didn't falter when he saw Seth.

"Great job out there." Seth said, slapping Roman on the back.

"Thanks." Roman said as he grabbed a bottle of water and took a long drink.

"Seth, what are you doing here?" Hunter asked as he walked up to them.

Seth tried not to cringe when he saw Triple H. "Oh, you know I just can't stay away."

Hunter clapped him hard on the back and laughed. "I know how that is. I'm glad you're here anyway."

"Why's that?" he asked.

"We think we have a way to use you. Do you have time to talk now?" Hunter asked.

Seth looked to Roman and then back to Hunter. "Sure."

* * *

Roman went back to the locker room and took a shower. He got dressed and waited another 20 minutes for Seth to get back. When Seth still didn't arrive, he grabbed their bags and drove back to the hotel alone and sent a text telling Seth the hotel and room number. He ordered a couple pizzas and they had just been delivered when Seth knocked on the door.

"Sorry I took so long." Seth said as he came in the door. "And thanks for bringing my stuff."

"It's okay." he said. "You're just in time to eat."

"Cool." Seth said looking over the pizzas. "Hey, you got my favorite." Seth looked up and smiled at him.

Roman's instinct was to smile back but he stopped himself and nodded instead. There was no use denying that he remembered all of Seth's favorite things, Seth always knew when he was lying.

They ate their pizza in companionable silence. When they were done he asked Seth about his talk with Hunter and Seth started fidgeting.

"Um... creative wants me to be a manager." Seth said looking down.

"That's great." he said, trying to be encouraging. "It'll keep you in the public eye until you can wrestle again."

"It is a good opportunity." Seth said before looking up into Roman's eyes. "But... they want me to be your manager."

"What!?" he shouted angrily as he lept to his feet. "They never said anything about wanting me to work with someone."

Seth shrank back. "I told them that it would be a bad idea but they won't listen to me. We're supposed to go in for a meeting tomorrow morning before we move on to the next city."

Roman sank back down on his bed heavily. "I knew they were losing faith in me and this just proves it."

"I won't do it, if you don't want me to." Seth said quietly.

He looked at Seth and sighed. "If it's what the company wants, then they'll just pick someone else to do it. It would make more sense if it was you."

Seth just nodded and continued to eat his pizza. They were both lost in their thoughts.

* * *

Later that night Seth took his shower and came out wearing the beanie again. It confused Roman that Seth was always wearing it now, knowing that it would probably be hot. Seth shut the lights off and they both settled into their beds.

"Seth?" Roman asked in the dark.

"Yeah?" Seth replied back.

"Why do you always wear that hat?" he asked quietly.

Seth sighed before answering. "Vanity."

Roman was quiet hoping Seth would explain.

"They had to shave my head for the brain surgery and I had other cuts all over it and even though we aren't together anymore, I didn't want you to think I look ugly now."

He shouldn't be surprised that Seth would want to hide his lack of hair and scars but he was. The Seth he had come to know in 2017 would never show any vulnerability like this in front of him, but the 2014 version of Seth always tried to look his best. He had thought that it was just because they were new to the roster and he wanted to impress people, but he never would have thought that Seth was trying to look good for him.

He leaned over and turned on the bedside lamp. He got out of bed and walked over to Seth's bed. Seth opened his eyes and blinked at the light. "What-?"

Roman leaned over and pulled the beanie off Seth's head and looked. There were faint remnants of cuts from where the windshield hit him during the accident and a much deeper and more prominent cut from the surgery and his hair was very short and close to his skin. It made him sad to see the proof of the accident that claimed his memory but he didn't think Seth was ugly.

He looked down into Seth's deep brown and worried eyes. "You don't have to hide it from me anymore and it doesn't make you look ugly, it makes you look strong. You're a survivor."

Seth's chin trembled as he smiled up at him. "Thanks Rome."

Roman nodded and went back to his bed and turned out the light. "Good night Seth."

"Good night Roman."

* * *

The next morning they woke up and had breakfast before having their meeting with the higher-ups. They decided that not much would change from Roman's stand point but that they would be a team of sorts again and that Seth would be his opportunistic manager. For the time being they would be neither heel nor face. Even though Roman was reluctant at first, the ideas they had were good and made him feel optimistic that this would actually be a good way of doing things. It would make the both of them look good and keep Seth still visible to the WWE universe.


	5. Chapter 5

They were in the rental car heading to the next city for another house show. Roman was driving and Seth had his tablet out ready to ask Roman some questions about the 'incident'.

"I remember going to sleep Sunday night but nothing after that." Seth said looking at Roman. "Could you go through everything you saw me do until Monday night?"

"I guess so." Roman said as he concentrated on the road. "I've gone over that day in my mind a lot, trying to see if there was anything I didn't notice, but I never found anything."

"Okay, tell me everything you remember." Seth said, ready to write everything down on his tablet. "Whenever you're ready."

Roman took a deep breath. "Monday morning started out normally. The alarm went off and we woke up. You know how long it takes Dean to get up, so I went to the bathroom first and then you went after me. We called room service for breakfast and Dean finally went to the bathroom."

Roman squeezed the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white but he continued. "As soon as Dean went into the bathroom, you grabbed me and kissed me. We made out for a few minutes before room service knocked and Dean came out and we ate breakfast."

Seth cursed his memory loss because he couldn't remember that kiss.

"After breakfast we got ready and drove to the next city. Dean slept most of the time and you were on your phone a lot but when you weren't we talked like we normally do until we got to the hotel. We had a quick lunch and went to get a work out in before the show. There was a crossfit gym across the street from the gym Dean and I wanted to go to, so you went there without us. We met up at the hotel about an hour later." Roman remembered.

"Okay, what happened next?" Seth asked as he typed on his tablet.

"We grabbed our gear and headed to the arena. You were chatty and excited and Dean kept telling you to 'Calm the hell down' but of course you didn't." Roman smiled. "We did our usual pre-match stuff and when Dean's back was turned, you slapped my ass and ran out of the room before I could do anything. We went out there like we were supposed to and the next thing I knew, there was a chair hitting me in the back."

Seth swallowed roughly. "So, as far as you remember, I was acting normally before it happened?"

"Yes. Dean thought that you had been planning it for weeks beforehand but I wasn't convinced. You still gave me heart eyes up until 20 minutes before you did what you did." Roman said quietly.

"So you and Dean talked about it. Did he notice anything different about me?" Seth asked with a heavy heart.

"Yes we talked about it lots, trying to figure it out but he didn't notice anything. We were hurt and you wouldn't talk to us." Roman said sadly.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly, knowing the words would never be enough.

Roman tightened his hands on the steering wheel again. "I know."

Seth cleared his throat nervously. "Did I have any friends while I was crazy? Anyone I could talk to?"

"I really only saw you with Triple H, Stephanie, Orton, Kane and J&J Security. You could talk to others you feuded with but you were kind of a loner then." Roman said as he pulled up to a gas station.

"Thanks, I'll talk to them." Seth said with a smile.

* * *

Seth didn't go to the house show that night. He wanted to work on his new manager role and jot some ideas down. When he had got to the city, he had to go shopping with the WWE makeup girls to find just the right wig to match his old hair and he was the proud new owner of a very realistic wig that the girls had been able to cut into his old style. He would mostly be wearing it back in a bun anyway but it should look realistic enough and his monsterish head would be covered.

When Roman had taken his beanie off last night, he had felt so embarrassed and he wanted to throw the blankets over his head and hide. With anyone else, he had always been confident of his looks, but he wasn't delusional, he knew Roman was far better looking and in the past he had always tried his best to look good for Roman, so Roman's opinion meant a lot to him. He looked at Roman's eyes but he only saw sadness there, not pity or revulsion and he was relieved. A small part of him worried that Roman would say that he had deserved it but he hadn't and he even said not to hide anymore.

Seth fell backwards on the bed and put the pillow over his face. WWE wanted him to be the same cocky guy that he has been since he left the shield but he was worried that he didn't know or remember how to be that guy. He needed to do this right, he needed to be the best manager ever for Roman. Maybe if he was the best manager ever, he could earn Roman's forgiveness.

He heard the beep of the door lock opening and sat up quickly so Roman wouldn't see him acting like a little kid. He wasn't fast enough.

"Trying to kill yourself?" Roman asked, shaking his head.

"No, just worried about tomorrow." he answered. "What if I'm not good enough?"

"Don't worry about it." Roman said putting his bag in the closet. "You were made for this. You always were."

All of Seth's worries flew away and he beamed at Roman. "Thanks."

* * *

Roman was awakened by a pained groan. He looked at the clock on the night stand and it read 3:43 then he looked at Seth's bed. Seth was writhing on the bed and mumbling something he couldn't quite hear. He turned on the lamp and moved closer and listened.

Seth was repeating "No...please...no." over and over and his face was a mask of fear.

Roman grabbed Seth's shoulder and gently tried to shake him awake. "Seth, wake up, it's just a dream."

Seth sat up straight in bed and yelled out "No" before blinking his eyes open and looking around.

"It's okay, you were dreaming." he said rubbing Seth's back.

Seth looked at him and he saw fear in his eyes.

"You're safe now." He said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Seth scrunched up his forehead. "I can't really remember anything but it must have been bad, my heart's racing. Sorry I woke you up."

"It's okay." he said turning back to his own bed. "You're probably still stressed about tomorrow."

Seth lay back down in his bed. "Yeah, I must be."


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks passed and their new on-screen alliance was met with surprise and excitement. As usual, they got along perfectly when it came to wrestling, their on-screen chemistry was just like it was before and they were taking the WWE Universe by storm. A lot of people in the locker room were wary of him but since Roman accepted him, the others were coming around. Seth didn't hold any ill-will against anyone because he had been a bad guy for so long that he was just happy to be given another chance. Unfortunately Seth's nightmares never went away and he was tired all the time. He talked to everyone on his list but no one had any idea why he had betrayed the Shield.

It was after a house show. Roman went out for drinks with some of the guys but Seth hadn't wanted to go out because he wanted to stay at the hotel and rest. It was late, around 2 am and Roman was walking down the hall with Dean and when they got close to his and Seth's room they could hear someone screaming.

"What the hell's that?" Dean asked putting his ear to the wall.

Roman gasped. "Seth's having one of his nightmares." He dug around in his pocket for the key card and quickly opened the door.

"Good luck with that man." Dean said putting his hands in his pockets. "I'm outta here."

Roman nodded and ran into the room and over to Seth's bed. He turned on the bedside light and turned to Seth. Seth was sweating and thrashing on the bed but at least the screams had stopped. "Seth, wake up, you're dreaming."

Seth just kept thrashing.

He grabbed his shoulder and tried to shake him, but Seth screamed and tried to pull away.

Roman didn't know what to do so he leaned over the bed and gathered Seth into his arms. He sat down on the bed and rubbed soothing circles on Seth's back and kept telling Seth that he was safe. Eventually Seth's dream stopped torturing him and he settled down to sleep.

* * *

The next morning Seth woke up, blinking sleep from his eyes with a yawn. He froze. He was in Roman's arms! Roman was asleep sitting up with his back propped against the headboard and Seth was sitting draped over Roman's lap with Roman's arms around him. How did they end up sleeping like this? What should he do? Should he move before Roman woke up?

Too late. Roman opened his eyes and looked at Seth. Roman dropped his arms quickly like he had been burned by Seth's body.

Seth moved his body off Roman's and sat on the bed. "Good morning." He said as he rubbed his eyes, not really wanting to look at Roman and see disgust on his face.

"'Morning." Roman said as he stood up and stretched his body out from the long night of sitting down.

"Uh, why were we... what happened...?" He couldn't figure out how to ask what he needed to know.

"Why were we sleeping together, you mean?" Roman asked, mid stretch.

"Uh, yeah." he said, blushing.

"You were having a nightmare, a really bad one and I couldn't wake you up." Roman explained. "You were screaming loud enough to be heard in the hall."

"Really?" Seth asked, shocked. "I can't even remember that."

Roman sat down on his bed and looked at him for a long moment. "Maybe you should see someone about these nightmares you keep having. You're tired all the time and you can barely sleep most nights."

"Yeah, maybe I should. I don't like disturbing you at night and I'm so tired of being tired." Seth said with a tired smile. "I'll figure something out."

When Roman went to shower, Seth lay in bed thinking about how nice it felt to wake up in Roman's arms. It's too bad it would never happen again.

* * *

Two months passed by and Seth went to a therapist about his nightmares. They believed that they weren't nightmares at all but repressed memories of something bad that had happened to him. The nightmares didn't go away so he was given a mild anti-depressant and the nightmares settled down with no more thrashing or screaming and he continued therapy.

He was sitting on his bed in another hotel looking through his twitter account and trying not to get upset. Roman had a date tonight and he was jealous.

He knew that he didn't have the right to get jealous, after all Roman hadn't been his in many years but he was anyway. He had never gotten to have a real date with Roman ever and this girl was taking what should have been his. He looked up when the bathroom door opened and Roman stepped out in his black slacks and crisp white shirt.

"Hey Seth, which tie?" Roman asked holding up a silver tie and a plum tie.

Seth sighed inwardly. Roman looked like a dream. "The silver one if you are wearing your grey contacts and the plum one if you aren't."

"Thanks." Roman said putting the silver tie back in his suitcase and going up to the mirror with the plum one.

"No problem." He said, trying not to sulk as he watched Roman tie his tie.

A knock sounded at the door.

"Can you get that while I finish getting dressed?" Roman asked, turning to go back to the bathroom.

"Sure." He said getting up off the bed and going to the door. He took a deep breath to calm himself before opening the door.

An absolutely gorgeous woman stood on the other side of the door. She was tall with tan skin, long legs, curves in all the right places and an exotically beautiful face. Her brown hair was in a messy updo and she wore a killer red dress that would make any straight man look twice. Seth hated her.

"Hello, is Roman here?" She asked in a breathy voice.

"Yes, he's just finishing getting ready." He said, surprised at how calm he sounded when he was freaking out inside. "Please come in."

He held the door and moved to allow her to come in. She even smelled incredible, the bitch.

Roman came back into the room, buttoning his jacket. He smiled at the beautiful woman and kissed her on the cheek. Seth's eye twitched.

"Melissa, this is my friend Seth." Roman said, making introductions.

"Nice to meet you." Seth stepped forward and shook her hand. She had a strong grip for a woman.

"And Seth, this is Melissa."

After the introductions. Roman led Melissa to the door but turned back before leaving. "I don't know when I'll be back, so don't wait up."

Seth swallowed. "Okay, have fun."

Seth closed the door and flopped face down on his bed. "Don't wait up." Roman had said, Ha! As if Roman would be coming back tonight, hell he might not even come back tomorrow with a woman that looked like that. Jealousy gnawed at him until he felt hollow inside. Of course Roman wanted to be with a beautiful woman like that. He got off the bed and walked to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the wide mirror.

He was nothing special, he knew that. He took off his wig and looked at the scars that his three month's growth didn't cover up. He took off his shirt and looked at his body. He had slacked off on working out since he didn't need to keep in ring shape anymore and he couldn't help but think of how he used to look when Roman loved him. He shook his head. He couldn't compete with Melissa, or any other woman for that matter.

He turned away from the mirror and took the rest of his clothes off and got in the shower. He turned the water to cold and tried to shock some sense into himself. He and Roman were done and they would never be together ever again. He was thankful everyday that Roman even allowed him to be in his life and that they seemed like they were on the road to being friends again. He would just have to learn to be happy with that.

* * *

Seth was lying in bed in the dark trying to watch a scary movie to take his mind off Roman and his date. The woman being chased by the killer screamed and suddenly the hotel room door opened and Seth yelped and almost jumped out of his skin.

Roman turned on the light. "What the hell are you watching?"

He tugged his blankets up higher and tried to hide his blush of embarrassment. "Just some B horror movie on the movie channel. You scared the hell out of me man."

Roman smirked. "So I noticed."

"Not to pry, but why are you back so soon?" He asked curiously. He knew that Mary or whatever her name was wouldn't turn Roman down.

Roman took his jacket and tie off. "Luckily our meeting finished early, man was she a bore."

"Meeting?" he asked in confusion. "I thought that it was a date."

"Nah, she's a talent manager or something. Wants to get me in movies." Roman started unbuttoning his shirt.

Seth watched Roman's actions intently. "You would be good in movies."

Roman scoffed and took his shirt off. "I don't want to be the next Rock, I just want to wrestle."

Seth nodded dumbly as he stared at all the exposed skin until Roman walked to his suitcase and slipped a t-shirt on. Seth shook his head as Roman took a pair of sweat pants to the bathroom. He couldn't believe that he was ogling the man again. He was a lost cause, he'd never get over Roman.

Roman came out of the bathroom a few minutes later fully changed and walked over to the dresser next to the door and picked up a box that Seth hadn't noticed while he had been busy being scared to death.

"Ready for a late night snack?" Roman asked as he unveiled a box of mouthwatering doughnuts.

"Oh my god, yes." Seth answered, reaching out for a doughnut with each hand. "My favorite."

"I know." Roman said with a smile.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Seth woke up early and tried to sneak out before Roman woke up. He wanted to get some exercise in since he had been slacking off for a while but Roman's voice stopped him.

"Where are you going?" Roman asked.

"Down to the gym." He answered. "I thought I'd get a workout in before breakfast."

Roman got out of bed. "Give me a minute and I'll come with you."

"Okay." Seth said and he stood against the wall waiting for Roman to get ready. He had wanted to go alone so Roman wouldn't see how much his body changed but he did like spending time in the gym with Roman. He had even managed to get Roman to go to the crossfit gym with him sometimes in the past but Roman did far more looking at him than he had actually working out. But then again Seth did his fair amount of looking too, Roman looked amazing all glistening with sweat. Too bad those days were over.

Roman came out a few minutes later and they went down a few floors to the hotel gym where they saw a few of their fellow superstars already working out.

They split up, with Roman heading for the free weights and Seth choosing the treadmill, wanting to start off with a good run. He put his ear buds in, started the machine and got into the zone. He had been running for a good 20 minutes when someone got onto he treadmill next to him.

He glanced over and saw that it was Randy Orton so he took his ear buds out. "Hey, Randy."

Randy looked at him and nodded his acknowledgment before starting his own machine. They worked out in silence for a while and Seth watched Roman doing squats off to the side. Randy followed his gaze. "I can't believe he actually forgave you for what you did."

Seth looked at Randy. "I don't know if he has but he's a good enough person to give me a second chance."

Randy scoffed. "I think he's an idiot. I would never trust a backstabber like you, especially after what you did to Ambrose. You could have killed him with that little trick with the cinderblocks."

"There's not a day that goes by that I'm not sorry about what I did to him." Seth's lip trembled. "I know that I can't repair that relationship but I can try to be a better person."

"A piece of shit like you can never be a better person." Randy said nonchalantly. "Soon Roman will realize that and drop you like a hot potato."

Seth tried not to let what Randy said bother him but he had his own doubts. What if his memory came back and he turned back into that heartless monster he had been? Roman would throw him away for sure. Roman was only nice to him because he couldn't remember anything he had done.

"A better person?" Randy scoffed again. "You're the most selfish, ungrateful prick I have ever met in my life and if..."

Seth turned just as Randy was violently pulled off the treadmill by Roman.

"Leave Seth alone, Orton." Roman growled out. "He's a better person than you'll ever be and he's trying to make amends for what he's done."

"You're pathetic if you actually think that." Randy shouted. "As soon as his memory comes back, he will be just like he was before."

Seth tried to pull Roman away, he didn't deserve Roman's defending him when Randy might be right. Roman shook him off and they continued yelling and arguing. Suddenly Seth's head started to hurt and he got dizzy. He grabbed on to the arm of the treadmill as he had a sudden flash of memory. He could hear his own voice yelling. "I'm sorry, please don't!"

He grabbed his head and sank down to his knees and Roman turned to him in concern. "Seth, what's wrong?"

"My head hurts." He mumbled and then he felt Roman helping him back to his feet.

Roman started leading him to the door before turning back to Randy. "Don't let me catch you near Seth again."

Roman helped Seth back up to their hotel room and helped him lay down. "Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Better." He said sadly. "I think I had a memory while you were arguing with Randy."

"Really." Roman asked anxiously. "What was it?"

"Just me talking. It sounded like the nightmares you described to me." he said quietly.

"Maybe our fighting reminded you of a fight you were in or something?" Roman said as he sat down heavily on the bed. "I'm sorry if our fight upset you."

"Don't be." Seth said with a small smile. "Part of me is happy that you defended me but the other part knows that I deserve what Randy said and more. I'm not a good person, but I want to be."

Roman reached up and ruffled his wig. "The person I've known for these last few months is a good person and I won't let someone one like Orton try to make you think otherwise."

"Thanks Ro, I don't deserve your friendship, but I'm glad I have it."

Roman smiled. "No more talking now, just rest."

Seth closed his eyes and smiled to himself. He really had it bad for Roman.

* * *

On Seth's next day off, he flew out to spend a few days with his Mom. It was a normal day, helping out around the house and eating good home cooked food. He was laying in his old bed and he was having a hard time falling asleep, he just couldn't quiet his mind. Of course he was thinking about Roman. Roman seemed to be warming up to him more than he would have imagined, even defending him to Randy. It seemed like they were friends again and if they could be friends again, was it possible that they could be more? If only he knew what was going through his mind in those years after breaking the Shield. How did he go from being in love with Roman, to slamming a chair in his back in the blink of an eye?

He sighed and rolled over and saw the little wooden chest that he put all of his mementos in growing up. He turned the light on, got out of bed and sat down on the floor. He opened the lid and started rummaging through the items. There were report cards from school, books of his writing, his favorite childhood toys, pictures of him wrestling and a little cloth bag that he didn't recognize. He picked it up and opened it and found a pink satin ribbon.

The second he saw it he recognized it.

* * *

 _It was a few weeks after Easter and he was sitting on a hotel bed looking for a movie to watch after Roman got out of the shower. Dean was out doing god knows what and Seth was looking forward to spending the night with his best friend._

 _Roman came out of the bathroom and sat down at the bottom of the bed and started brushing his damp hair and Seth watched mesmerized, as the brush went through those long dark waves._

 _"Ro, can I ask you a favor?" He asked, lips moving on their own._

 _"Sure." Roman said as he continued brushing the long locks._

 _"Let me braid your hair." He asked hopefully. He had always wanted to play with Roman's hair and now, with Dean MIA, seemed like the perfect time._

 _Roman scoffed. "Why would you want to do something like that?"_

 _"Because it's sexy." He mumbled, a blush staining his face._

 _Roman turned to look at him with a smirk. "Well in that case, knock your self out baby boy."_

 _Seth crawled up the bed quickly, heart thudding at Roman's words and settled himself down behind Roman. Roman passed him the brush and he grabbed it and eagerly started brushing his hair back. Luckily his baby cousin had taught him how to braid hair, so he set to work plaiting the long, sweet smelling locks. When he was done he looked around for something to tie it with and saw a bag of off-season candy Dean had bought tied with a pink Easter ribbon. He grabbed it and tied a cute little bow at the end of Roman's hair with a smile._

 _He scooched closer and put his arms around Roman's shoulders. "There, that wasn't so bad was it." He whispered in Roman's ear._

 _Roman grabbed him around the waist and pulled him and in the blink of an eye, he was sitting in Roman's lap, Roman's hands in his hair. "Maybe I should braid your hair someday and see how you like it?"_

 _Seth looked up into Roman's eyes and the look he saw there made him want to reach forward and slam their lips together. He could tell that Roman wanted it too, but that now wasn't the time. He patted Roman on the head and got up, Roman's hands lingering on his waist as he did and he went back to where he was sitting._

 _"So any idea what you want to watch?" He asked, trying to change the atmosphere._

 _"Whatever you want is fine with me." Roman said moving to sit next to him on the bed._

 _They watched the movie with lots of banter and laughing just like the best friends they were and the next morning after Roman woke up, Seth saw the ribbon laying on his pillow and he grabbed it and put it in his pocket. The next time he went home, he tied it around the lamp by his bed._

* * *

Seth looked down at the ribbon in his hands. When he got home after his coma he hadn't seen it in his bedroom where he kept it so he had thought that his evil half had thrown it away. Why would he keep the ribbon with his most precious possessions? Was all that macho posturing he had done in the ring fake? Had he still been in love with Roman all along?


	8. Chapter 8

Seth didn't sleep the rest of the night. His mother noticed that something was wrong with him the next morning at breakfast.

"What's wrong honey?" His mother asked as she poured him a glass of orange juice.

"I'm trying to figure something out about the old me." He said trying to think what to ask. "When I was evil, did I ever mention Roman to you?"

"Not at all." She said sitting down at the table. "Before the Shield broke up you talked about him so much that I thought you had a man-crush on him. Eventually I realized that you had real feelings for him but then the Shield broke up and you never mentioned him again. I always wondered what happened."

Seth sat back in shock. Apparently his feelings were so transparent that even his mother had figured it out. He took a deep breath. "Mom, I was and am in love with him, but I don't think we can ever be together."

His mother nodded. "Does he know about your feelings?

"Yeah. We were planning on coming out with our relationship just before it happened and then I betrayed him." He put his head in his hands. "Why did I betray him? He'll never forgive me for that."

It was quiet for a few minutes. "Did you-do you love him more than anyone else you've loved?"

"Yes." he said, a tear burning in his eye. "I've never felt anything like I feel for him before."

"Then it's simple." His mother said, reaching across the table and lifting his head. "You have to win him back."

"What?"

"Earn his trust again and win him back." She said like it was the easiest thing in the world.

He shook his head. "Too much has happened the past three years..."

"Screw the past three years." She said sternly. "Forget about the past. You aren't the same man you were back then and I guarantee Roman isn't either. You can't give up on that kind of love, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

"You're right." He said with determination. "If I can't get him back then at least I'll know that I tried my best."

* * *

Roman was getting ready at a house show when he heard a page calling him to the delivery area. He was met by a delivery man with a bouquet of vibrant red Teuila flowers, red Roses, and orange Lillies. He'd never seen an arrangement like this before and he was dumbfounded that it was delivered to him. He accepted the flowers and moved off to the side so he could read the card alone.

 _Dearest Roman,  
Teuila is the national flower of American Samoa, it's a strong flower like you. Red symbolizes fire and the sun, the sources of life.  
Lilies, and Roses are Italy's national flowers. Orange Lillies mean passion, red Roses mean love. There are 12 Roses. Giving someone 12 Roses means that they want to be together forever.  
I'll love you always and I hope someday you'll agree to be mine forever.  
All my love, Seth_

He jammed the note in his pocket before anyone could see it and stood there looking at the flowers. He was breathing hard, his heart slamming against his chest. What the hell was that fool thinking?

He walked back to the locker room on autopilot, his thoughts shocked into silence. When he saw Seth waiting for him, he wouldn't even look at him or talk to him. They didn't need an audience when he finally confronted Seth.

* * *

The hotel room door had barely closed before he called Seth out. "What the hell was with those flowers? Are you crazy or something?"

Seth smiled as he sat on the bed. "Did you like them, I had a hard time getting the Teuila flowers, but they're so beautiful."

"Answer my question?" He gritted out.

Seth rolled his eyes. "I'm not crazy, I'm in love and I've decided to stop hiding it."

"Did you hit your head again?" He asked pacing back and forth in front of the bed. "I told you that we will never be together again."

Seth reached out and grabbed him by the hips and stopped him as he was walking by. "I know what you said but I also know that you loved me once and I think that if I prove myself to you, you'll love me again."

He stepped back away from Seth. "Even if I did love you, I can't trust you with my heart again."

Pain crossed Seth's face. "I know, but I'll earn your trust back even if it takes me 10 years. You're worth waiting for and I'm going to fight for our love. It's time to stop living in the past."

He took a deep breath. "I think that you should room somewhere else for a while."

Seth gave him a small smile. "I understand, you need some time and that's okay. But don't think that this is over. I'm going to woo you and you'll fall for me again, I know it. Your heart's too big to push me out of it."

He had nothing to say to that, he just waited for Seth to grab his bags.

When Seth was ready, he walked up to Roman and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you." he said. "Please just give me a chance to prove myself. We can be happy together, I know it."

* * *

The next few weeks were difficult for Seth. He still was rooming on his own and now the atmosphere between him and Roman was always tense. He was still doing everything he could think of to show that his love was real and that Roman could trust him. He sent love letters, books of poetry with his own notes in the margins about what made him think of them, gave Roman his favorite candy and gifts and was turned down for countless dates. He was kind of running out of things to do but he wasn't going to give up.

Worst of all, Roman barely talked to him at work anymore other than a quick 'hello' when he got to the arena and 'see you later' when they left. He knew that Roman needed time to come to terms with his feelings but he would kill for just one smile directed at him, one pat on the shoulder or any other sign of affection. A less stubborn man would be discouraged, but he was Seth 'Freakin' Rollins and he wouldn't give up as long as there was a chance. What he had with Roman was special and he wasn't going to give it up for anything.


	9. Chapter 9

The last few weeks were difficult for Roman. Seth had left him reeling with his desire to get back together again and Roman really didn't know how he felt about it. Seth wasn't the same man he was in 2014 and he wasn't the same asshole he was in 2017 but what if that changed when Seth's memory came back. What if his memory came back and he turned on Roman again, he wouldn't be able to get over it this time, he had barely gotten though it last time.

He did believe that Seth loved him and a part of him still loved Seth but he was scared. That's right, 'The Big Dog' was scared to love again but he had to admit that the best times of his life were spent with Seth. The love letters that Seth sent him blew his mind with how thoughtful, loving and honest they were and he learned so much new information about Seth that he had never told him before. He literally poured his heart out in those letters and Roman read them over and over every night but he couldn't look at Seth the next day, worried that he would just fall into his arms. He couldn't be impulsive about this decision, he had to use his head before his heart.

The worst thing was that Seth wasn't hiding his feelings anymore and he was always looking at him with love and adoration, so much so that others in the locker room were starting to wonder what was going on with them. He was in an arena somewhere in Florida sitting on the floor of a conference room hidden behind a huge stack of boxes going through his phone. He wasn't hiding from Seth necessarily, but from the questioning looks of his fellow superstars.

Suddenly the noise from outside grew and he knew that someone had opened the door and he was no longer alone.

"What is it Hunter?" He heard Seth say as the door closed. "I've got to get ready to go out there soon."

"Fine, I'll just cut to the chase then." Hunter said gruffly. "How would you like to wrestle again?"

"Are you kidding, I'd love it." Seth's excited voice rang out.

"Great!" Hunter said. "Then tonight I need you to betray Roman and..."

"Wait, I won't betray Roman ever again." Seth said angrily. "So you better have another plan."

"That is the plan." Hunter said determinedly. "You betray Roman or you don't wrestle ever again."

Roman's heart was beating so loudly in the silence that he was sure Hunter and Seth could hear it.

"Then I won't wrestle." Seth said resolutely. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a show to get ready for."

Roman waited until he was sure that he was alone before he left his hiding spot. He couldn't believe it, Seth had given up his last chance to wrestle for him. Wrestling had been Seth's dream his whole life and he had thrown it away, because he loved him.

He slowly walked to the locker room and the first person he saw was Seth. He was standing in front of a mirror and trying to tie his tie with a little frown on his face. He walked up to Seth and spun him around and wordlessly tied his tie for him. When he was done, he looked into Seth's eyes before leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. He didn't care if anyone saw them, he just needed Seth to know his feelings now, no more waiting.

* * *

Seth watched Roman walk away and wondered if something was wrong with his brain or something. Roman just walked in here and kissed him right out of the total freaking blue. The way his lips were tingling made him believe that he hadn't imagined it and the fact that Jason Jordan's mouth was hanging wide open made it even more real. Maybe Roman had decided something. But he wouldn't get his hopes up just yet, clearly they needed to have a good talk but he couldn't get rid of the goofy smile on his face. He turned back to the mirror, checked his tie and headed out to the ring.

* * *

Seth looked for Roman after the show but he couldn't find him. He went back to the hotel alone as usual and went to his room to drop off his bag before going to look for Roman but when he opened the door, Roman was there waiting for him.

"Hi." He said shyly.

"Hi." Roman said, equally shy.

He dropped his bag off by the door and looked back at Roman. "So, how have you been?"

"I love you." Roman blurted out.

Seth felt like his heart exploded as he processed the words. He thought that he would never hear Roman say those three little words. "Really?" He asked, voice a little squeaky.

"Yes, I want to be with you." Roman said walking closer. "Do you still want me?"

"God, yes!" He almost shouted as he grabbed on to Roman's arms like they were the only things keeping him standing. "I love you, I love you, I love you..."

He could have kept saying it forever but Roman's lips were on his and he could barely even think anymore, much less speak. Roman's lips were so soft and sweet and he almost wanted to cry with how tenderly Roman was kissing him. He nipped Roman's plump bottom lip and Roman opened his mouth and soon their tongues were meeting again for the first time in 3 years and it was perfection just like it had been the first time.

His knees buckled and Roman caught him in his strong arms and held him and it was wonderful. He put his arms around Roman's neck and kissed him harder, praying that this wasn't a dream.

By the time the kiss broke, Roman's hair was out of his bun and Seth's wig was falling half off his head but he felt better than he ever had. "Thank you." He said, his voice husky with emotion. "Thank you for loving me."

Roman smiled at him. "I never really stopped, and I never will."


	10. Chapter 10

A month had passed since they officially started their relationship and things couldn't be better. They were out to all their co-workers and they were accepted by most of them, even Dean who had accepted Seth's apology but wasn't ready to be friends yet. Vince and Stephanie were even considering letting Seth wrestle again (even though his memory hadn't returned) after seeing his latest doctor reports saying that his brain was fine. They had made peace with the fact that his memory might never return and would face it together if it did.

Seth was going back to their hotel room after a meeting with creative. They shared a room even though they hadn't had sex yet because they were taking things slow, but they liked to cuddle and sleep together anyway.

He slid his key card into the slot and opened the room. "Honey, I'm home." He called before seeing the lights were turned low and what looked like rose petals on the floor. He smiled and shut the door behind him and threw the lock. When he turned around, he followed the trail of rose petals to the bed where his eyes nearly fell out. The bed was covered in rose petals and Roman was lying propped up on the pillows, gloriously naked.

"Welcome back." Roman said in a sexy, husky voice.

"What's going on?" Seth asked when he could remember how to talk.

* * *

Roman got to his knees and crawled over to the end of the bed. He pulled Seth closer and started taking his clothes off. When he was finally as naked as he was, he pulled Seth down and kissed him hard and their naked bodies slid together for the first time. He rolled Seth under him and kissed him with everything he had, listening to the little gasps and whimpers Seth was making.

He ran his hands all over Seth's hard body, touching and feeling all the places he had wanted to touch for so long and he loved it. He kissed his way down Seth's neck and sucked hard on his pulse point, marking Seth as his before moving down to put his mouth around Seth's tiny nipple and Seth arched into him when he sucked. He bit down and Seth gasped and bucked his hips.

"Oh, you like it rough, don't you baby boy?" He asked jokingly as he trailed his lips over to Seth's other nipple and bit down.

Seth bit his lip and nodded shyly and he leaned up and claimed his lips roughly. Why had they waited so long to do this?

* * *

Seth was in heaven as he was at Roman's mercy. He knew that he should be nervous that this was their first time but he had been waiting and imagining this moment for years and so far, it was living up to all his expectations. Roman was kissing his way down his abs and his erection was so hard it was leaking. Suddenly Roman ran his tongue over the head of his erection and he shuddered in pure ecstasy at the feel of it. He didn't think that Roman would be so bold their first time, but when he felt the sweet heat of Roman's mouth engulf him, he nearly arched off the bed.

"Baby, you have to stop or I'll come." He panted.

Roman pulled his mouth away. "Is that a bad thing?"

"If this is going to go any further tonight then it is." He said trying to calm his body down.

"Do you want it to?" Roman asked shyly.

"Yes, please." He said quietly. "I want all of you. Make me yours."

Roman groaned and leaned down for a kiss which Seth gave happily. The kiss went on but was eventually broken when Roman went for the lube on the nightstand and Seth knew what came next.

He put his feet on the bed and spread his legs to give Roman easier access and watched as Roman slicked up his fingers. He looked into Roman's eyes and the quiet confidence he saw there helped him to relax when Roman first put his fingers to his entrance and soothed him with petting motions. He closed his eyes and savored the feeling of Roman touching his most intimate parts and soon felt a slick finger push into him. It felt a little strange but it didn't hurt and Roman took his time and soon another finger joined the first.

Now he could really feel the fullness and stretch of those large fingers inside him. Roman started scissoring his fingers to stretch him out and one of them brushed against a spot inside that made him moan. Roman must have found his prostate and it seemed like Roman came to the same conclusion because he stroked that spot more firmly and he had to hold himself back from shouting out.

"Another finger, now." He gasped out. He couldn't wait much longer to have Roman inside him.

Roman looked skeptical but obliged and worked harder to stretch him out. Finally just when Seth thought he couldn't take anymore, Roman pulled his fingers out and reached for a condom.

"Turn around and get on your knees, baby." Roman said quietly.

Seth didn't budge. "No, I want to see your face."

"But I heard that it will be easier the first time that way." Roman explained.

"I don't care." He pouted. "I need to see you the first time, see that you love me."

Roman smiled softly and nodded before settling between his thighs and lifting his legs up to rest on his shoulders. "I do love you, Seth."

"I love you too." He said just as he felt the tip of Roman's cock touch his hole and start to sink in.

Roman entered him slowly, so slowly and Seth barely even noticed the stretch and burn. All he felt was a rush of incredible emotion for the man that was claiming him. When Roman was finally seated all the way in, Seth started to cry.

Roman looked panicked when he saw the tears. "Seth are you okay, I can pull out?"

"Don't you dare!" He said in a hoarse voice. "It doesn't hurt, I just can't believe you're finally inside me. This is real. We're in love and together."

Roman shook his head but smiled. "You're so silly sometimes."

"But you love me anyway." He said with a smile.

"I do, but I kind of need to move now." Roman said, his cock jerking inside Seth.

"Go ahead baby, I'm ready." He said caressing Roman's face.

And he moved. The thrusts were slow and experimental at first until they both got the hang of it and soon they were rocking together trying to give each other the most pleasure that they could. Their bodies slapped together in a delicious rhythm that had Seth moaning and Roman grunting. Seth's cock bounced between them, steadily leaking and begging for a touch and just as Seth was going to reach for it, Roman got to it first.

A few pumps of his fist and the hammering to his prostate had Seth coming with a scream. As his body shook from the strength of his orgasm, he felt Roman thrust into him a few more times and then come, his cock throbbing inside his hole and almost driving him over the edge a second time when he saw the pure bliss on Roman's face.

Roman gently pulled out and lay down next to him, breathing hard before taking the condom off and disposing it in the garbage can next to the bed. Roman turned on his side and looked down at him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fantastic." He smiled up at Roman. "When can we do that again?"

Roman laughed. "Give me a little time to recover."

"Okay." Seth laughed. "We have all the time in the world."

* * *

 _ *** Thanks for reading, following, favoriting and commenting on this story. I suffered major writers block for most of the story so it's not as good as some of my others. The story title was inspired by the song Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica (Feat. Doug Robb). Look it up on youtube, it's a great song and kind of fits the story.**_


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